I think I have dating figured out. I don’t know if I would pass this advice to your kids or anything but this is what I have discovered. You need to date more than one at a time.
Now, I’m not saying you should cheat. Once you have the talk and you’re in an official relationship then none of this applies. Or maybe it does, but I do not condone cheating.
Once you are “exclusive” or “facebook official” or whatever the fuck you want to call it, you got ‘em! Congratulations ladies, you trapped a man into picking your vagina over every other girl he previously was free to mingle with.
I have found the secret to a relationship through the only way a woman can find it… not wanting a relationship at all. As anyone reading this blog can tell, a relationship is far from being on my wish-list. Therefore, I was able to stumble upon the secret to entrapping men.
What is the number one thing women do too fast and too furious when they meet a potential guy? They CARE. Seriously. For every text message you send a guy you like in his mind it is the equivalent of getting 10. So when you send his 5 harmless little messages about how you miss him, it is really 50 cries about how you want to know where he is.
We all do it and we can’t help it. We switch plans and ditch friends when he finally calls you back, making us look like we have no life. We want to get all cuddly and cute right away because it is our nature to reproduce and keep the human population going. Too bad nobody told mother nature that that is the way NOT to find a man to procreate with. Well, maybe procreate with, but not raise a duel-parented baby.
Ladies, here is what you do; you go find yourself a couple guys and try to get to know them at the same time. When you get the urge to text a guy, text the one you texted least. You will be having such difficulties having time to see all of them that you will have to turn others down. Here is why it works: THIS WILL ONLY MAKE THEM WANT YOU MORE.
I would read the situation whether you tell them about each other, but jealousy can say a lot about a guy. Letting them know you have options says, “guys want me, you are going to have to fight and win to be with me.”
I am currently “talking” with three guys. I have cut down the natural womanly instinct of caring by dividing it by 3. It gives them space and lets them be the one to call me, without making me sit at the phone wondering what is wrong with me. These guys think I’m the coolest chick in the world for “understanding that they need space.”
Rather than freaking out about my guy deciding he would rather watch the baseball game I bought us tickets to at home, I texted someone else. Within 5 minutes I had a new date and let the original guy slide.
Over all this time I will eventually have my pick of the three and become exclusive if I wish. BUT if a relationship is not what you want eventually one is going to ask you to be with just them in which case you will lose your fun arrangement and you will have to ditch the other guys or him. Decision is yours. I just wanted to let you in on the secret of how to get there.
Dating Philosophy
So here is the idea about online dating. You pick one out based on a couple pictures and a little bio. It is the ultimate example of human superficial-ness. The user searches for matches who are attractive, but not too attractive that you don’t have a chance. It is also an ultimate test of self-confidence. You can tell what kind of confidence a person has by whom they think they have the right to message and possibly date in the future. Someone who has extremely high self-confidence will blow off anyone who looks any less than a red carpet model. It seems only obvious from that reasoning that the eDater with low confidence will be too intimidated by attractive or slightly successful profiles.
If for some reason they pass the first “attractive- yet not too douch-baggary” test you scan the words for signs of serial killer tendencies, and send a message. Now not every eDater is the same. There are always exceptions to the rules. You often have the creepy guys who send out mass messages to every female seeking male on the site without a mustache. (Sometimes they even send messages to those depending on how desperate.)
Here is my problem:
When on a date with someone you meet online eDaters don’t hear what the other person is ACTUALLY saying. They obviously want it to go well. They wouldn’t be searching hopelessly through wifi waves for a soul mate if they had the time or social skills to wait around to sort through guys themselves. By looking for a significant other online it proves that you are either looking for sex or looking for “the one.” Everyone wants to think that the next one is going to be “the one.” We wouldn’t do it knowing that the next one is going to be a waste of time or will take your heart and rip it out leaving you a little less trusting towards the next. We wouldn’t bother (and would probably not let it happen in the first place), which leads me to my point. Every eDater goes into the date with at least a glimmer of a hope that this is the person you have been looking for their entire life.
So this is why we see our date in a far better light than they really are. We WANT them to be the great person they might be. This is how I know that in order for me to see these eDater guys as ridiculous, bad dates they must have been just that… bad. I have to admit that the stories I have taken away are something that have added to my life experience.
So what happens when you take out that factor? What happens when you don’t go in it for sex or marriage? You don’t go into it trying to dress up and impress? What happens when you eDate as many people as possible to learn about the opposite sex? What would you see once the bull shit curtain was pulled away? No one to try to impress, no false hopes or rose-colored glasses?
*names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent
Thursday, July 8, 2010
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