Dating Philosophy

So here is the idea about online dating. You pick one out based on a couple pictures and a little bio. It is the ultimate example of human superficial-ness. The user searches for matches who are attractive, but not too attractive that you don’t have a chance. It is also an ultimate test of self-confidence. You can tell what kind of confidence a person has by whom they think they have the right to message and possibly date in the future. Someone who has extremely high self-confidence will blow off anyone who looks any less than a red carpet model. It seems only obvious from that reasoning that the eDater with low confidence will be too intimidated by attractive or slightly successful profiles.

If for some reason they pass the first “attractive- yet not too douch-baggary” test you scan the words for signs of serial killer tendencies, and send a message. Now not every eDater is the same. There are always exceptions to the rules. You often have the creepy guys who send out mass messages to every female seeking male on the site without a mustache. (Sometimes they even send messages to those depending on how desperate.)

Here is my problem:

When on a date with someone you meet online eDaters don’t hear what the other person is ACTUALLY saying. They obviously want it to go well. They wouldn’t be searching hopelessly through wifi waves for a soul mate if they had the time or social skills to wait around to sort through guys themselves. By looking for a significant other online it proves that you are either looking for sex or looking for “the one.” Everyone wants to think that the next one is going to be “the one.” We wouldn’t do it knowing that the next one is going to be a waste of time or will take your heart and rip it out leaving you a little less trusting towards the next. We wouldn’t bother (and would probably not let it happen in the first place), which leads me to my point. Every eDater goes into the date with at least a glimmer of a hope that this is the person you have been looking for their entire life.

So this is why we see our date in a far better light than they really are. We WANT them to be the great person they might be. This is how I know that in order for me to see these eDater guys as ridiculous, bad dates they must have been just that… bad. I have to admit that the stories I have taken away are something that have added to my life experience.

So what happens when you take out that factor? What happens when you don’t go in it for sex or marriage? You don’t go into it trying to dress up and impress? What happens when you eDate as many people as possible to learn about the opposite sex? What would you see once the bull shit curtain was pulled away? No one to try to impress, no false hopes or rose-colored glasses?


*names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Pick two.


Here I am in a new city and a new man pool. I have found myself in the “queen city” of Cincinnati for a job. It’s a great place with plenty of guy potential. The ratio of available guys is about 3 to 1. (Thank you Procter & Gamble and GE! Gotta love those engineers. ) I dove right in and met a guy the first week off of my regular dating website. There goes my blogging in a new city idea. Damn it. What kind of Eden is this place where a woman flies in not knowing a soul and is taken off the dating market within 5 days? I am never leaving…

Then about 3.5 months later reality hits. Based off of the logic of writer and man-whore Tucker Max, I have devised my own rule of dating for men:

1- Good looking
2- Gives a shit
3- Single

You can only have two of the above.

Which ones it is? 1 and 3, why is it that I always pick. 1 and 3? (To be honest sometimes I only settle for 3, and to be even more honest I have settled for a pulse.) So as you can guess it my last “big find” in Cincinnati was 1 and 3. He did not give a shit about me. Not even enough for a birthday present! I know what your thinking… it was too soon, they only dated a couple months, blah blah blah. Which would have been all fine and good except for the fact that I had bought him something he really wanted, and was quite expensive, for his birthday two weeks earlier.

Ok, let’s give the guy a break. Valentine’s day was 5 days later, maybe he was rolling it into one. Valentine’s day comes around and what did I get? A Barns and Noble gift card… wait for it…. That I had seen in his wallet months before. He REGIFTED a giftcard he didn’t want for Valentine’s Day. What is wrong with you Cincinnati?!?!

This made me pose a question to my friend Rich. Are some guys caring and sweet to every girl they date, making that a part of the guy, or is it just when they really meet the right girl the asshole melts away and they change? –Basically, is it the guy or the girl who makes the ass?

Today I looked at my condition bottle as I squeezed the last remaining cream out of the corners of the lid. I realized that I had had this same bottle since I first moved into temporary housing. I had had this bottle before I had found my apartment. Then it hit me; I had had this bottle of conditioner before I had started dating my last boyfriend. It was just drying up now. It is rude awakening when you realize your hair products last longer than your relationships. It is an even ruder awakening when your realize that the last conversation you had with this guy he said something like, “I have been feeling this way for awhile but I felt bad since you don’t know anyone in Cincinnati.” I had the potential of have fruit on my coffee table last longer than relationships in Cincinnati.

Long story short, I am back at it… Get excited, it is on. The best way to get over someone is to… well you know.
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