Stories of a Serial eDater: Won't Santa Be Worried About You?

Dating Philosophy

So here is the idea about online dating. You pick one out based on a couple pictures and a little bio. It is the ultimate example of human superficial-ness. The user searches for matches who are attractive, but not too attractive that you don’t have a chance. It is also an ultimate test of self-confidence. You can tell what kind of confidence a person has by whom they think they have the right to message and possibly date in the future. Someone who has extremely high self-confidence will blow off anyone who looks any less than a red carpet model. It seems only obvious from that reasoning that the eDater with low confidence will be too intimidated by attractive or slightly successful profiles.

If for some reason they pass the first “attractive- yet not too douch-baggary” test you scan the words for signs of serial killer tendencies, and send a message. Now not every eDater is the same. There are always exceptions to the rules. You often have the creepy guys who send out mass messages to every female seeking male on the site without a mustache. (Sometimes they even send messages to those depending on how desperate.)

Here is my problem:

When on a date with someone you meet online eDaters don’t hear what the other person is ACTUALLY saying. They obviously want it to go well. They wouldn’t be searching hopelessly through wifi waves for a soul mate if they had the time or social skills to wait around to sort through guys themselves. By looking for a significant other online it proves that you are either looking for sex or looking for “the one.” Everyone wants to think that the next one is going to be “the one.” We wouldn’t do it knowing that the next one is going to be a waste of time or will take your heart and rip it out leaving you a little less trusting towards the next. We wouldn’t bother (and would probably not let it happen in the first place), which leads me to my point. Every eDater goes into the date with at least a glimmer of a hope that this is the person you have been looking for their entire life.

So this is why we see our date in a far better light than they really are. We WANT them to be the great person they might be. This is how I know that in order for me to see these eDater guys as ridiculous, bad dates they must have been just that… bad. I have to admit that the stories I have taken away are something that have added to my life experience.

So what happens when you take out that factor? What happens when you don’t go in it for sex or marriage? You don’t go into it trying to dress up and impress? What happens when you eDate as many people as possible to learn about the opposite sex? What would you see once the bull shit curtain was pulled away? No one to try to impress, no false hopes or rose-colored glasses?

*names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Won't Santa Be Worried About You?

Body Type: Average, Height: 5’8’’

Ha, yeah right, maybe standing on a phone book (or two). I went on a date with a midget. Am I allowed to say that? How short do you have to be to be a little person?

I met up with John at an awesome coffee place on the lakefront of Milwaukee. I was looking for him when I walked in and couldn’t find him until I called his phone. Unbeknown to me I just had to look down. I saw his profile declaring that he was 5’8’’ which was borderline short for a guy because I am also 5’8.’’ I have dated guys my same height so I didn’t let it be a deal breaker. When I greeted him with a hug I felt awkward. He looked all too happy at being pulled into what goods were at eye level.

Being the brave woman I am, I ventured on. It’s all for humanity and research, right? We decided to get a cup of coffee. I was confused when he juggled between his credit cards and cash (which he did not have enough of) when paying for the 2 servings. I soon came to find that John was an unemployed engineer who could not even afford his rent. I actually felt bad at that point, but like I have said before, you should be able to take care of yourself before you try to date and take care of anyone else. Besides, What could I do? Give him a couple bucks for food like he is a homeless man off the street?

Well, maybe he has a great personality, right? The only subject he could think of to talk about from his current life was how loud his cousin would have sex in the room next to him. Hmmm thanks for the sex update on your family. That’s always a good way to start a conversation.
This was one of the closest I have been to really running out on a guy. Most guys are at least amusing but not so much with this guy. I excused myself after the one cup and drove my ass home, texting my best friend, “Holy shit! R there any normal guys out there?”