Randy was an attractive guy with the interest of a grapefruit- exciting when it first squirts you in the eye, but then it sits there with nothing else to offer. We were sitting at a bar talking when his phone kept ringing. He was constantly looking at texts and talking. It was pretty obvious that he was talking to other girls he was online dating, wondering if there was something better than me. Anyway, he gets this phone call so I leave for the bathroom to let him talk. I come back and he apologizes. He then explains that he talks to people he would never date online as well. He was friends with a 42 year old mom who he had never spoken to. She had apparently just called him because she had been in a fight with her roommate. She had then asked him if she could move in with him for a couple days. He had told her that she couldn’t because he lived with his parents. What kind of person asks a complete stranger if she can move in? Even more sad is if she really didn’t have anyone else to call. Then, Randy goes on to tell me that he felt bad for her so he invited her to meet up with us. Now keep in mind this was our first date that he had invited another girl from online to meet for the first time as well. Awkward. Thank God she never showed. He didn’t even ask though. What the hell?
So on our second date Randy and I went back to his, wait no, make that his parents’ house to watch a movie. We got to his house and he said in a creepy voice “Get into my dungeon” as we go into the basement. We started making out and he pulls me on top of him. He was on a whole different level as far as acting rough. He was into choking and biting hard core. The next day my friends looked at my arm and asked me why I have two teeth marks on my arm. It wasn’t a hicky or suck bruises, but as if a shark had attacked. I also almost lost my lip and other body parts due to his chompers. After kissing I told him (more to keep him away) “I am not going to have sex with you.” He then asked when I was going to be off my rag. I said, “Why so you know when to call me next?” He replied, “Yeah, well I just don’t see why we would tease ourselves like this.” Then it came up where I told him having my period was better than the alternative because that would mean I was pregnant. I will never forget what he replied to that comment. He said that that wouldn’t be so bad for him because then he could have sex with me without him getting me pregnant. What the hell? So not going to happen.
Dating Philosophy
So here is the idea about online dating. You pick one out based on a couple pictures and a little bio. It is the ultimate example of human superficial-ness. The user searches for matches who are attractive, but not too attractive that you don’t have a chance. It is also an ultimate test of self-confidence. You can tell what kind of confidence a person has by whom they think they have the right to message and possibly date in the future. Someone who has extremely high self-confidence will blow off anyone who looks any less than a red carpet model. It seems only obvious from that reasoning that the eDater with low confidence will be too intimidated by attractive or slightly successful profiles.
If for some reason they pass the first “attractive- yet not too douch-baggary” test you scan the words for signs of serial killer tendencies, and send a message. Now not every eDater is the same. There are always exceptions to the rules. You often have the creepy guys who send out mass messages to every female seeking male on the site without a mustache. (Sometimes they even send messages to those depending on how desperate.)
Here is my problem:
When on a date with someone you meet online eDaters don’t hear what the other person is ACTUALLY saying. They obviously want it to go well. They wouldn’t be searching hopelessly through wifi waves for a soul mate if they had the time or social skills to wait around to sort through guys themselves. By looking for a significant other online it proves that you are either looking for sex or looking for “the one.” Everyone wants to think that the next one is going to be “the one.” We wouldn’t do it knowing that the next one is going to be a waste of time or will take your heart and rip it out leaving you a little less trusting towards the next. We wouldn’t bother (and would probably not let it happen in the first place), which leads me to my point. Every eDater goes into the date with at least a glimmer of a hope that this is the person you have been looking for their entire life.
So this is why we see our date in a far better light than they really are. We WANT them to be the great person they might be. This is how I know that in order for me to see these eDater guys as ridiculous, bad dates they must have been just that… bad. I have to admit that the stories I have taken away are something that have added to my life experience.
So what happens when you take out that factor? What happens when you don’t go in it for sex or marriage? You don’t go into it trying to dress up and impress? What happens when you eDate as many people as possible to learn about the opposite sex? What would you see once the bull shit curtain was pulled away? No one to try to impress, no false hopes or rose-colored glasses?
*names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent
Thursday, May 6, 2010
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