So here we have the perfect example of what happens when you keep giving a guy the benefit of the doubt that he isn’t a complete idiot. Darren looked like his head had been kinda squooshed in. I later came to the conclusion that his brain was getting smaller by the day due to lack of use. This caused his head to slowly cave in on itself. Since I had studied in Denmark I told Darren that I would one day like to go abroad again. He then asked me, “where is abroad?” At first I almost laughed until I realized he was completely serious. I tried my hardest to keep a straight face as I understanding explained that abroad referred to a place overseas or not where you currently are. He seemed to understand as I went on with my story. A couple minutes later, to my disbelief he turns to me and asked, “where did you say abroad is again?” Seriously? Seriously? You had the balls to ask me a dumb question and then forgot the answer so asked it again? It was that moment I knew I was not onto a good thing.
Now I would never go out of my way on a date to declare my high school GPA. I mean come one, who does that. I would be bragging if I did, so it would at least make sense if I did, but this guy felt the need to tell me he got a 1.6 GPA. To make it 100 times better he went on to explain it wasn’t horrible since he got A’s in his shop classes. If you think about it that doesn’t make it better at all. Those A’s averaged 4.0’s into the equation and he still averaged a D+. This may explain the unemployment and poverty I was to learn of later. He was probably selling his blood, semen, whatever he had just to pay for the gas to come and see me. Now in my opinion you should not be dating when you cannot even afford to take care of yourself, much less someone else.
Somehow, he must have scraped up enough for his phone bill because there was no shortage of calls and texts. I even told him that I had to pay for texts because I didn’t have them on my plan, but he kept them coming. We went on two dates, which to him meant we were going to get married. I can’t even believe I gave him date number two, but like I have said before, I put people on a pedestal and I give them the benefit of the doubt.
The week we were dating was a busy one for me. I was also starting to get closer with my cousins, who I had never had the time to get close with while I was away at college. Soon he started assuming that “cousin” was a code word for “other guy I was seeing. “ He left me a message saying that he didn’t want me to be seeing anyone other than him, and that I needed to call him because I wasn’t giving him enough time, and all this garbage. That was it. I drew up my list about jealousy and controlling issues and wrote them down on a couple post-its. I called and left a message (yeah, I am still working on not being a little bitch when it comes to break-ups). He called 11 times in the next five minutes. My sister and I stared at the phone as it vibrated on our table. I unfriended him on facebook and never talked to him again. Every once in a while he finds me online on a dating website, even when I change my picture and profile name.
Dating Philosophy
So here is the idea about online dating. You pick one out based on a couple pictures and a little bio. It is the ultimate example of human superficial-ness. The user searches for matches who are attractive, but not too attractive that you don’t have a chance. It is also an ultimate test of self-confidence. You can tell what kind of confidence a person has by whom they think they have the right to message and possibly date in the future. Someone who has extremely high self-confidence will blow off anyone who looks any less than a red carpet model. It seems only obvious from that reasoning that the eDater with low confidence will be too intimidated by attractive or slightly successful profiles.
If for some reason they pass the first “attractive- yet not too douch-baggary” test you scan the words for signs of serial killer tendencies, and send a message. Now not every eDater is the same. There are always exceptions to the rules. You often have the creepy guys who send out mass messages to every female seeking male on the site without a mustache. (Sometimes they even send messages to those depending on how desperate.)
Here is my problem:
When on a date with someone you meet online eDaters don’t hear what the other person is ACTUALLY saying. They obviously want it to go well. They wouldn’t be searching hopelessly through wifi waves for a soul mate if they had the time or social skills to wait around to sort through guys themselves. By looking for a significant other online it proves that you are either looking for sex or looking for “the one.” Everyone wants to think that the next one is going to be “the one.” We wouldn’t do it knowing that the next one is going to be a waste of time or will take your heart and rip it out leaving you a little less trusting towards the next. We wouldn’t bother (and would probably not let it happen in the first place), which leads me to my point. Every eDater goes into the date with at least a glimmer of a hope that this is the person you have been looking for their entire life.
So this is why we see our date in a far better light than they really are. We WANT them to be the great person they might be. This is how I know that in order for me to see these eDater guys as ridiculous, bad dates they must have been just that… bad. I have to admit that the stories I have taken away are something that have added to my life experience.
So what happens when you take out that factor? What happens when you don’t go in it for sex or marriage? You don’t go into it trying to dress up and impress? What happens when you eDate as many people as possible to learn about the opposite sex? What would you see once the bull shit curtain was pulled away? No one to try to impress, no false hopes or rose-colored glasses?
*names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent
Friday, April 30, 2010
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